How forgiving can open up our future

On Armistice day, as millions of us remember those who lost their lives, I wanted to turn my attention to the past.

The majority of us don’t really understand the horrors of war and have never experienced such pain and loss as those who have lost loved ones suddenly through conflict.

Keep Perspective

Most challenges we face, whilst sometimes large and looming in our lives, are insignificant in comparison. Perhaps that is a good first learning point for us. To keep perspective.

Learning to forgive

But what else can we learn for our day to day lives? Whilst 11/11 is about remembering it is surely also about forgiveness. If people can learn to forgive in the most challenging of circumstances we must be able to forgive those around us in situations that, in comparison, pale into insignificance.

Opening up our future

Paul Boese  said ‘Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future’. I like this quote because it gives us space to remember but also challenges us to understand that we can’t change the past and should look to the future.  If we can’t forgive perhaps a certain part of us always remains in the past pulling us backwards.

Forgiveness then, enables us to move forward with more possibility.

Being more forgiving of ourselves and others

So as we take time to remember those who have fallen, perhaps one other positive thing we could do to honour them is to show more forgiveness. How could we be more forgiving of ourselves, our partners, children, family members, team mates, customers, suppliers or anyone else who could benefit from a more understanding approach?

5 steps to forgiving

One of the best known models to help facilitate forgiveness is that of Psychologist Everett Worthington Jr., a pioneer researcher in the field. He constructed a 5-step model to facilitate the process as follows:

1. Recall what hurt you
2. Empathise with the other person’s perspective
3. Accept that it is in your gift to forgive
4. Commit yourself to forgiving publicly
5. Hold onto forgiveness

So, who can we REACH out to today with a little more forgiveness?